Plan A

I got my haircut a few weeks ago by my new stylist, who I really like. Not only does she give great haircuts but she's very easy to talk to. I've shared our adoption story with her and she relates well, as she has family members that are adopted. However, last time we talked she really caught me off guard. She was very excited to tell me that according to the Mayan calendar, the day I was in the salon was the most fertile day in the last 10 years.  I was puzzled for a minute until I realized she thought I wanted to get pregnant! (My husband pointed out that if we were going to follow the Mayan calendar, the world would end before the baby would be born...he's so smart). Her comment shouldn't have surprised me, as this is not the first time I've heard something along these lines. And that leads me to the need to explain a little something...not all adoptive moms long to be pregnant!

When we began sharing the news that we were adopting, we were met with so many exciting, loving and supportive responses. We also heard lots of stories about someone who adopted and then found out they were pregnant...every couples dream right? Absolutely NOT! It felt like people were saying, great for the adoption but hopefully it leads to the real goal: pregnancy. For adoptive families, the end goal is to bring our baby home NOT to get pregnant. 
We thought we'd begin a family with pregnancy, like most couples. Infertility led us to adoption, but we didn't adopt just because we had to. We were adopting because we wanted to. We didn't begin the adoption process secretly hoping we would find out we were pregnant. In fact it was quite the opposite. My heart was so invested in the adoption process. From the time we began filling out paperwork, I was praying for our baby and for his birth mom. I knew a pregnancy would put our adoption process on hold and I was terrified of that. I knew my baby was out there and I didn't want anything to stand in the way of bringing him home. Adoption had become our Plan A.

Our little boy is the most precious, amazing gift from God. I love him more than I ever thought possible. We have had such an incredible adoption experience and I look forward to many more. I know of many couples struggling with infertility and I pray for them, often that they will find out they're pregnant soon. One night it hit me hard...why am I praying for pregnancy? Because infertility hurts and pregnancy would end that hurting. And again that voice in my head...why not pray for adoption? Because adoption is hard and a long, slow process; pregnancy would be easier. But look at the incredible blessing it brought. I would not change a thing about our struggle with infertility. It was a long, painful journey and I would do it all over again. Now when I pray for these couples, I pray for their baby to come home soon, whether that be through the blessing of pregnancy or the blessing of adoption. 

Adoption has been the greatest blessing in our lives, just as pregnancy is for many others. We could not love Andrew any more if he had been our biological child. Adoption wasn't second-best and it was something we settled for. It was the most wonderful thing that God had planned for us and we look forward to the day we can begin the process again. 

"You may not have my eyes or my smile, but from that very first moment you had my heart".  
We love so very much Andrew Paul Buys!

Heather